Meet Ed, pictured above. When I think of "Ed," as his own entity, this is what I picture. My mom and I called him "Rupert," at the beginning of my Anorexia. Nowdays I don't enjoy giving it the honor of even having it's own entity, but if I were, I just wanted the world to know that is what he looks like.

I was watching the television after a recent Binge/Purge session, I was exhausted, and thinking about how my day was just going to shit, like most days do. I will waste a perfectly good opportunity filled day, obeying ballon bellied Ed's wishes and destroying my mouth and fingers. I suddenly got this overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Then a commercial came on, and I don't have the slightest clue what the advertisement was about, but there was an old woman, a cute, wise looking old gal. She was titled, "The Voice of Reason." I couldn't help but smile at this new break-through thought I had. If I can have a "Ed," voice in my head, then why not a voice of reason? From now on I have decided to grant my "recovery," or "logical," voice with the title of The Voice of Reason, and it will be pictured like this old woman below. Adorable, and wise, loving and sweet. When I mess up, I will picture her there to tell me words of wisdom. Encourage me to do what's smart. Who knows, I might enjoy the enlistment of this new fake grandma.

Isn't she just as cute as a button?

I don't want to go into great detail about my latest and greatest trials and tribulations, so I will write it all in a quick summary..

Mom saw me and freaked, she could tell I'd lost weight. Mom cried, I cried. I told mom about Oklahoma, but not about the purging, I don't know if I'll ever get the courage to tell her about the purging..

I'm home now, I leave this weekend to go back. I am mortified, mom wants me to see an MD before I go, I don't want to. She wants me to see Dr V, I am thinking HELL NO, anyone but her.

Mom's being surprisingly loving and understanding, not getting mad at me at all. Even when she found out I was taking those Metabolism booster pills. She just talked to me about it and told me she knew and talked about the logic behind why I shouldn't. I stopped taking them.

I want to stop it all, I want to stop starving, I want to stop binging/purging. I want to just be NORMAL..

I mean come on..

It's Just F**king FOOD for Christ's sake!!!